fighter's journal

after work , i went straight home not because im sleepy but because i also need to go to the bathroom...

after that, i slept for about two hours then went online. i was able to talk to ms bumble and mam iska. they sai dthat i should go to SAGA na. so i went to saga at around 6.

when i arrived there, i was making kwento to ms bumble about a "friend".

then mam cla aske dme if i could join her in shangri-la. she needs to bring some papers to Guess Store. So i went with her then we had a nice dinner at Frio Mixx.

the pay was released at around 9:30pm...may nangyari kasing kaguluhan...my gosh...

in fairness the pay was quite good...

then grace(my co-worker in SAGA) invited me to hang out. so we went to streetscape shangri-la where in we ordered a round of beer for the two of us...btw, i saw dj of bnt plus three of his friends...

then went home at around 11pm. then talked with robert over the phone...then slept at 1am. then wokre up at quarter to 5.

kaya ako bangag ngayon.

im SOOOOOO sleepy na.........


sleepy and still thinking of him while listening to IF THE FEELING IS GONE! :cry:

for the last two hours, ive been listening to kyla's concert, doing nothing and pretending not to be sleepy...

my plans to go shopping in shangri-la seems to be fading for i'd rather sleep the whole afternoon. maybe ill go there tomoroow, or probably next week.

there are a lot of things happening again this weekend:

>bnt gimik on friday(if ever there would be)
>regine's reigning still concert at the araneta coliseum on saturday...

my god...i miss kyla's concert..the screaming...the good songs...the crying moments...

btw, her concert will be telecast on december 18 and 25 at 11 pm - 12 mn...sana buo siyang ipalabas...

im really sleepy!! my god.. i can barely keep my eyes open...

my gosh!

til later! im gonna make mysel;f useful here for awhile...

and so to receive you...
i must let go of all the anxiety that my heart feels...
i must not fear of whatever the future holds for us...
for me....

and so to receive you...
i must open myself to all possibilities
that you could be leaving me anytime...
i must be aware that you presence is not permanent...
only temporary....

and so to receive you...
i must let go of myself...
to hold on to you...
because here i go again...
going crazy over something...
i dont even know...

and so to receive you...
i must be ready that you wont be receiving me...

i must stop this!

i must stop dreaming that someday he will be mine...

i must stop this...

im just hurting myself...

my little prince faded.....

moved away from our kingdom...

now he is not a prince anymore...

he is just a friend...

a friend who will always have a soft spot in my heart...

a friend i will always love...

so what am i to do?

nothing...

but to wait in the kingdom where he left me...

and count the days when he will be coming back...

the question is...

wil he be back?

i know i know...my friends know me for being colorful and being bright...but why did i change my site colors?

i want to...because i dont want to be colorful anymore...

no need to have colors in your life when the one u like is not with you...

so ill settle for red and black for now...

maybe i could change it in the next few days...

but for now...

bear with me...

XXX: the angel looks good...i know it doesnt blend well with the colors but i want it there...i love angels...

they dont abandon you....
they are beside you always...

even when your prince left you...

your angel is always there....

i will dedicate this space to my little prince for the very last time...

u have ur new love.

so let me say this for one final time.

we could have make a good couple. we are so perfect for each other, at least thats what i think, but i dont know about that now. how can i think that we are so perfect for each other when you are not with me? i long to be in your arms...to hug and cuddle you when im cold. to have my head upon your shoulders and press my cheeks against your skin. i long to touch ur head with my hands and pressing my lips with yours.

if only i could tell you these things i wanna tell you...
but sadly, i cannot.

why? u have your own love...
leaving me all alone with nothing...
nothing but my false hopes.

if only i could show you how i love...
bud sadly, i cannot.

why? u have ur own love.
showing your love how you love.

is this the right thing?

for me it isnt.
because how can it be the right thing if you are not with me?

how can it be the right thing if we are not together?

we were so close to heaven. it felt so good.

so let me say this for the very last time:
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.

but you broke my heart.
and left me all alone...
with nothing....
with nothin but my broken heart...
and false hopes...

so ill settle in dreaming of you every night, wishing you were mine.

ill settle in dreaming that one day our paths would cross again...

ill settle in loving you in a distance...

ill settle with the thought that great love is the love that asks nothing in return...

so ill ask nothing in return...

and continue loving you in vain...

so let me say this for the final time:
i love you.
i love you.
i love you.

can u feel the longing?

so what now?
storms are rushing in the country...
at XMAS TIME?!?!
my gosh..i was watching the news last night and i was wondering how they feel? lives are being taken, houses are being broken.
at XMAS TIME?!?!

oh my god.

alex texted last night...replied but he hasnt replied yet.

ferdie said he made a poem in response to my "delete" poem...havent read it yet.

cholo texted last night asking me to call their house, i slept early....havent talked with him yet.

all levels of classes are suspended today..but surprise, we still have work! i miss the feeling of having your classes suspended...argh! i miss schools!

haay naku....

I said "Oh well, I got nothing left to sell
This love was a bell that rang unheard in the air
I was bound to find out that you didn't care
Oh well, sometimes it be that way"

this is what happened to me...

and i guess, as the song says...

sometimes it be that way....

i just can't help but wonder why im sad whenever there is rain?

a song that keeps playing on my mind is, "all i hear is raindrops..falling on the rooftop..oh baby tell me, why you'd have to go?"

thats all it would take to make me crazy...

rainy days used to be fun when i was a child...

enjoying the suspension of classes...feeling the raindrops rest upon my skin.

but now, its everything but that...

i dont know why i miss someone i love eveyrtime the rain starts to fall...is it because of the song? o it because of the coldness that i am feeling?

whatever!

i miss him though.
rain or shine.

this space is for those who got affected by the typhoons, both winnie and yoyong..

my god, i watched the news awhile ago, and my god, no one would want to be in the shoes of those who are being affected by the storms, flashfloods and landslides....

so god, pls help them...give them strenght so they can pass this test...and pl stop the flashfloods anf landslides na...it breaks my heart to see people dying just because of this...

to everyone who would read this, pls offer a simple prayer tonight for those in quezon and other provinces being destroyed by the typhoon...pls...

thanks! mwah!

if i remember correctly, two years ago i wrote a poem entitled "After The Storm".

i think it goes something like this:

after the storm, well find a light to brighten up another day...

something like that....

ill try to find it somewhere in my notebook...

why did i bring this up? coz i believe that this is the appropraite poem for the victims of the storm...

my heart goes out to them....

What type of weather are you? Sunshine You are sunshine. Awww. Warm, bright, without you people get

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

Which poem are you? Sonnet 17 by Pablo Neruda Aw, you're a romantic. You believe in true love and all that sort of stuff. How cute are you? To you, love is incredible and amazing.

Click Here to Take This Quiz Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.

ill comment later.

if i was a poem...iw ould be the sonnet 17 of my fave pablo neruda...the poem goes like this:

Sonnet 17
...Pablo Neruda...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms,
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers.
Thanks to your love a certain fragrance,
risen darkly from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride,
so I love you because I know no other way than this:
where "I" does not exist, nor "you,"
So close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
So close that your eyes close and I fall asleep.



>> i remember hearing this in one of robin williams films...i just cant remember the title... i think this proves that i am a hopeless romantic...argh!

>>> if i was a weather iw ould be sunny, that explains my sunny personality...enough said.


watched regine's concert last night...it was great! kyla was so good in her solo performance!

morelater..or tomorrow at work...

could u believe my shift is from 4am - 12 nn!!!!

argh!

or at least i have declared my self to take a break...

its only 5:00 am...as a normal teenager, i should be sleeping...but i guess im not normal..or at least, my job isnt....

i THINK my shift next week would be from 6pm - 2am...my gosh, wag naman sana...

went out with bnt for two consecutive nights...biglaan un second..providence...

regines concert, kyla was good!!!!!! VERY GOOD!

im so sleepy.....wonder what ill do after work...sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!

more later...my mind is not working..what can i do? im not a morning person!!

we watched bridget jones diary the edge of reason last friday...one thing i learned fron that girl...

HAPPINESS IS POSSIBLE!

i really liked the movie...i am so glad we watched that movie, we were supposed to watch the seed of chucky but on the way to galle, i realized that i was not in the mood to watch a scary movie...i like to watch a feel good movie..so we watched bridget jones...

the movie is about love...as usual..

mor later..im still sleepy....

my wish for xmas?
> world peace
> chihuahua
> i pod
> new cellphone
> REST!
> my little prince...

though i keep telling myself that he is not on my mind anymore...he still tickles my imagination that one day we will be together...is that bad?

libre lang naman ang mangarap dba?

im having a headache while im at work...and im sleepy...im beginning to hate my work...i miss saga more...


hay....

and as i continue dreaming of my prince, i continue to be a friend to him...

and i believe that there is nothing wrong in dreaming, i am not doing any harm but on myself...

still at work..sleepy...sobra! im not enjoying anymore...

xmas is near...18 days na lang...and stilli have no one..maybe ill spend xmas alone AGAIN...but who knows...alot can happen in 18 days...Ü

argh!

what can happen? thats the big question....

friday: as usual, may gimik ulit...may bagong gimik...movie, dinner then BNT...bahala na trip....

saturday? i plan to sleep the whole day....Ü

sunday? sleep the whole day din....

im so tired...

cant wait to go home and sleep!!!

five hours to go..actually, four na lang kasi its 7:30 na and my off is at 11:30 am kasi my last thirty minutes is my break...

aaaahh...cant wait to go home!!!

i know this would sound so babaw..but...i want to see all my friends together....

i know its impossible to have my elementary friends, aquinian friends, letran friends, work friends and bnt/bachelors friends together...but as i said in my previous post: libre lang ang mangarap.

i miss my friends so much...my hands are dying to hold them and hug them...we are planning to go to puerto galera after xmas..BUT the news is there would be two storms to enter the area of responsibility of the Philippines before the year ends..so keep your fingers crossed...

i still miss my friends...i miss our talks....argh...

and im still sleepy.....here at work...

argh!

it's the eight of the month...for the past two years i used to hate this day..but thanks to the new chicco, i am not bothered at all...

Oh my, it's the eight of the month and im listening to Because of You, ironic? :smile:

i wont be sad again, i promised myself...

but everytime a new love comes, i cant help but be sadden that that new love can never be mine...

is there anything wrong with me?

enough of that chicco!

nothing's wrong with you...u just have to accept that love is not for you yet, time will come that u will cherish love forever...u just have to wait for the right and perfect time, then love will come to you...

and u have to wait for that day...
when ur prince would come...

but till then, be happy with what you have...

isang tula

bakit ganoon?
napaka gulo ng pag-ibig..

minsan meron tayong mahal na tao,
ngunit hindi tayo mahal nun taong un.
pag may taong nagpakita na mahal niya tayo,
hindi naman natin maibalik ang pagmamahal na un...
magulo ba?

ganyan yata talaga ang pag-ibig.
madalas natin sabihin
na manhid ng taong ayaw tayong mahalin.
pero naisip ba natin
na minsan manhid rin tayo
manhid sa nararamdaman ng iba?

minsan iniisip mo
kung bakit hindi tayo pinapansin ng taong mahal natin
kung bakit hindi nila tayo nakikita...
ngunit kahit minsan ba naisip mo
kung bakit hindi mo napapansin ang iba?
ang ibang nagmamahal pala sa iyo?
di ba pare pareho lang tayong manhid?

napakagulo talaga ng mundo.
may mga ibang tao naman
na kahit alam nila na mahal nila ang isa't isa
o nakikita na may pag-asa silang magtagal
eh nagtitiyaga sa piling ng iba...

may iba naman na nanlulumo
sa sitwasyon nilang dalawa
dahil gusto nila ang isa't isa
ngunit minsan natatakot siyang aminin ito
minsan naman nasa piling na siya ng iba
at minsan naman nakakulong pa rin sa nakaraan
hindi makatakas sa kanyang pagkakabilanggo

bakit kaya?
buhay nga naman....
may mga iba naman
na kung kelan wala na ang taong mahal nila,
tsaka lang nila malalaman ang halaga nito
tapos maghahabol kung kelan
may ibang mahal na ito
o di kaya'y hindi na siya mahal ng taong ito
o di kaya'y huli na ang lahat...

may mga iba naman na natatakot
na mahalin ang mahal nila
dahil baka dumating ang panahon
na iiwan sila nito
pero paano mo malalaman
ang tamis at saya ng pag-ibig
kung wala kang tapang
na subukan ito?

may mga tao naman
na naghihintay...
umaasa pa rin...
na may isang araw
na magiging sila ng taong mahal niya...
ngunit minsan,
mahirap maghintay
lalo na kung
malalaman mo sa huli...
na maghihintay ka lang pala...

pero ganoon yata talaga ang pag-ibig
napakagulo...
nakakabaliw...

sa bandang huli,
sino ang sisihin natin?
ang puso natin?

ilan beses na ba nating
namura ang puso natin?
mabibilang mo pa ba?

ilan beses na ba tayong
nangako na hindi na tayo magmamahal muli?
mabibilang mo pa ba?

ngunit minsan hindi rin natin alam
kung alin ang susundin natin
kung isip ba o puso

minsan tama ang puso
ngunit mali ang isip
ngunit minsan naman tama ang isip
ngunit mali ang puso

kelan ba darating ang araw
na tama na silang dalawa?


hay naku...how i wish he could read this....

this is my last day on the 4 am shift!!!!!

pay day rin ngayon!!

saya!!!


birthday ni sir alex! happy bday! we would go to malate later...keep ur fingers crossed...

im so sleepy, but i have water and a mug of nescafe ice beside me plus a hello choco bar to keep me awake....

what am i thinking? xmas! wheres the spirit? there are few children singing xmas songs in the streets....no lighted streets at night...

where did it go?

argh!

bnt xmas party on saturday at LAGUNA! my god...i asked permission na but my mom did not give me any sure answers...

another thought? love? yeah i think so...maybe its not on the top of my list right now coz i just failed again...maybe i could concentrate more on keeping myself busy...work and stuff..

we (YAGETZ) are planning to go to puerto galera after christmas...hope it will push through...

argh!! im so sleepy...i wont be home until around four..i have to encash my cheque at the bank pa and knowing its payday, im sure the line would be long...

last wednesday, i went to greenhills and i went to the chapel in front of virramall. i prayed and thanked God for everything. for the bad and good things He gave me. For all the people He gave me to teach me lessons i need to learn.

like my little prince...

i thank God for giving me my little prince for my little prince taught me to let go of something for two years. though nothing happened with me and my little prince, at least i can say i have moved on from my past love. i know my little prince isnt aware of this and i dont think he will ever be (maybe one day i could tell him about it but as for now, i dont think so).

i thank God for all the blessings He has given me. from work to friends to everything...

as for now, i would go on with what life would bring me. i will go with it's flow and accept whatever comes...and be happy with what i have...

no bitter songs for me..

no love songs either...

just a little bit of everything...

dont go too near yet too far...(try lang muna)

don’t go too near, i might love you...
i might love you more than myself...
i might fall for your empty words...
and you might leave me with this feeling
this feeling that you are loving me...
but in reality, you don't...
i hate to fall again for another one
who does not care about anyone
but himself...

but don’t go too far, i might miss you...
i might ache to hold you again...
and you might go out of my reach...
for -- how can i say this --
a day is too long without you...
without your face...
without your touch...
i might miss every second with you...
i might miss your words and your touch...
if ur not beside me as often as before...

don't go too near yet too far away from me...
just stay where you are right now...
to keep me safe from loving you more...
to keep my heart intact...
because i need some time to think...
a space to feel....
if your love is really real...
im sorry if ever i doubt you...
but my heart is tired from loving
loving someone who will leave my heart hanging...
i know u understand...

just don’t go too near yet too far....
i might love you more than myself...
when you love no one but you...



not that good but i think il work in this one....

it was so real...
i could still feel his touch...
his kiss....

but it lasted too soon...
it was never real....

he is still not mine...

it was just a dream...

more details tomorrow...

not in the mood of writing something..

I once read that you should never asked God why, you should
never question any situations or any challenges that God will
give you...

so with this, I'm asking my dear Cupid instead...

WHY?!?!?!

why is this happening to me? Am I bound to be alone forever?

The dream...the dream was so real...so real that I thought that
I would wake up with a smile on my face...but what did it leave
me? Nothing. I thought that I was over this feeling...my
feelings for my little prince...but he continues to haunts
me...or my dreams at the least...but ever since I woke up, I kept
thinking of him...I kept thinking of how good it would be to be
loved by my little prince. I keep thinking of how good it would be to share
something special with him...

Now, it feels like I’m starting from a scratch...a scratch with
his name on top of it.

This is killing me...

I am not the type of person who will go on with his life acting
as if nothing happened. I am the type of person who wants some
closure. I want to know what the message was all about. I want
to know if something really did come between the two of us. I
want to know if this was just a fling or it was something which
failed to lead on greater things.

Again, this is killing me...

this love is killing me...

Funny, how people say that love is such a wonderful feeling. But
as for me, I think it ceased to be that way. Though I am happy
with the thought that he is there or the thought that I am
capable of loving, I never stopped thinking why reciprocating
never existed in my dictionary of love. I always asked myself,
if I am capable of loving, am I not capable to be loved?

For the third time, this is really killing me...

the dream...

the vivid dream...

stays on my mind...

like a movie in a romantic film, only for me, there are no happy
endings...

i promised myself before that im never gonna cry because of love.

i promised myself that no tears will be shed because of an unrequited love.

but what happened?

here i go again...

my eyes are swelling everytime i think of my little prince.
my eyes are swelling everytime someone says that we look good together.
my eyes are swelling everytime i wake up from a dream of my little prince of me together.

what happened?

oh my god.

i cant believe im back to where i used to be.
i lost again.

i keep myself busy...
but his face always haunts me...

i keep thinking of other things..
but his face always haunts me...

when can u see that we are so perfect for each other? will you be able to see it the i do?

how can you see it
if somethings blocking your view?

how can u see me
if ur eyes are on someone else?

when can you see me?

when will the time come that you will look at me?

im just here...
waiting for you...

sad but true...
i have nothing to do here at my work because there is no cable service in the whole news room of GMA.

so why am i here? i am finishing the script for the program...

FPJ, an actor who ran for president in the previous election, died last night...

death is always sad, i could never argue with that...

and just before the holidays? OMG! i cant believe that...

holidays? eleven days before Christmas..and my hopes of having someone for the season is fading...

better luck next year chicco,

this simple wasnt your year...

i cant wait to write my year end report...

coming soon, maybe next year...it is too soon to wirte a year end rerport since it would be 14 days pa before new year, a lot of things could happen in tat 14 days...

naaah..im just being optimistic that something will happen...

but who knows?

here is a bit of myself, everytime i wake up, the first thing i do is to check on my phone for any missed calls or any messages...

what happened this morning just put a smile on my face, a sign that this day would be a good day for me.

so what happened? when i woke up this morning, with my head slightly aching for the beers i drank the previous night, i checked on my phone and unlocked the keypad. the first thing i looked at was the time, it was 10:03 am. then there was a message. just a message. so i pressed the buton to open the message. guess who it was?

my little prince.

as i said, it put a smile on my face.

and until now, everytime i think of it, i smile...


_______________________________________________________


9 days to go before Christmas time. 9 more days to do the following:

>> buy gifts for my family and friends (if budget allows me)
>> find a new prince or at least let my prince know he is special, though i think he knows about this..,
>> try to get some rest
>> try to be happy (actually, i am but i want to be happier)
>> seek world peace!
>> write a year end report on what happened in my year

_______________________________________________________


after recieving the text, we talked on the phone (OMG! this is so obivous na.)

i just realized na natutuwa ako sa kanya. he is so perfect for me to love...to care for...to be with...

argh! he is so perfect...at least for me...

i can't wait for the day when we will share this love until forever...
_____________________________________________________

"life is what we make it..."

another meaningful quote.

its true. we are the one responsible for whatever is happening in our lives.

as for me, i never blamed anyone for anything that i am feeling or for whatever is happening in my life.

it is never healthy to blame. no good can come from blaming others.

______________________________________________________

i texted my ex-flame. no reply. as of 7:24 pm. i texted him at 6:49 pm.

______________________________________________________

im hungry na...but i am still monitoring a news program...

______________________________________________________


got nothing to write na...more later...

itong mga sasabihin ko...
pwedeng makasakit...
ngunit sa panahon ngayon,
ano ba ang katotohanan na hindi masakit?
di ba wala?
kaya ito ang tunay
na saloobin ko sa pag-ibig,
sa pag-ibig na isa lang ang nakakadama...
sa pag-ibig na ikaw lang ang nagiisip...
sa pag-ibig na ikaw lang ang nakakaramdam...

kung nasa ganito kang sitwasyon,
un tipong may mahal ka,
ngunit hindi mo alam kung anong
nararamdaman niya sa iyo,
dapat maging rational ka sa mga mangayayari...

hindi pwedeng bigyan ng kahulugan
lahat ng bagay na hindi naman ganoon...

hindi pwedeng bigyan ng kahulugan
lahat ng malalambing na sabihin niya..

dahil maaaring walang kahulugan sa kanya ang mga ito...

makakakita ka ng mga signs,
na hindi naman...

ang mga nararamdaman mong pagmamahal,
isang ilusyon lang pala...
isang panaginip...

napakahirap ng ganitong sitwasyon...
sino ba ang hindi nakadanas nito?
di ba wala?
lahat tayo dumaan sa ganitong sitwasyon,
kung saan ang pag-ibig na inalay natin
ay sadyang hindi masuklian
ng inalayan natin...

napakahirap ng ganitong sitwasyon...

halos gabi gabi, hindi ka makatulog,
kakaisip sa kanya...

ngunit natanong mo ba sa sarili mo kung iniisip ka niya?
siguro natanong mo.
ngunit nasagot mo ba ito ng hindi ka nasasaktan?
dahil ang totoo
IKAW lang ang nagiisip,
habang siya, mahimbing na natutulog,
walang iniisip kung hindi ang sarili niya...
o baka may iba siyang taong iniisip
at hindi ikaw un...

lagi mong inissip kung kumain na ba siya...
kung nasan siya at kung ligtas ba siya...
pero ang iniisip niya,
kung anong pwede niyang kainin na masarap,
kung saan siya pupunta sa araw na iyon...

ni minsan, hindi ka niya naisip..

masakit aminin pero totoo...

bago ka matulog sa gabi,
ipagdadasal mo ang kaligtasan niya
at magdadasal na sana mahalin ka nya
katulad ng pagmamahal mo sa kanya...

ngunit kinabukasan pag gising mo,

walang pinagbago,

ganon pa rin ang mundo...

hindi pa rin kayo...

malungkot ka pa rin...
nagiisa,
nagiisip,

at ikaw pa rin lang ang nagmamahal...
ikaw lang...

minsan pinagdadasal mo
na sana masaya siya ngayon.

so sobrang pagdadasal mo,
nakalimutan mong ipagdasal
ang sarili mong kasayahan.

kapag alam mo na na walang pag-asa
wag mo ng ipilit

kasi...

kahit masaya ka sa ganoon,
masakit...

at ikaw lang ang masasaktan...
habang siya ay masaya...

ikaw lang ang umasa sa wala...
at magmumukha ka lang gago...

masakit ang sitwasyon na ganito...
dahil ako rin minsan
ay mabiktima ng isang pagmamahal
na akala ko'y tunay
ngunit hindi pala...
naiwan akong nagiisa...
nagiisip...
at malungkot pa rin...

i know a lot of people will hate me when they read my reactions on this post but who cares? this is my journal anyway...

FPJ BURIAL

the family wishes that no politics will be involved in the eulogies...

what is happening? or maybe by the time u read this, what happened? why are they so mad at the government?

most of the speeches bashed the government. isnt eulogy supposed to be remembering the person who died?

why are they so mad?

just asking...

im just thinking, if i was one of the family members of FPJ, i would like to hear nice stories about FPJ and NOT their anger to the administration.

OMG, this is just getting on to my nerves! they are getting in my nerves...

also, this death is too sensationalize! my god...

imagine having about 5 reporters per network at the same venue at the same time? i know i work for a network and i know this rakes up high ratings but this is all too wrong! this is too much!

i have nothing against FPJ, the truth is, i am touched by the people telling stories on how FPJ helped them...that is the story that is supposed to be exposed in a neurological service and NOT their sentiments on the existing government...they must remember that the family wished for a wake and burial that is free from politics...

thats it for now...

btw, friday's party was a success!

four days to go before xmas...and i still have no one..but im okey..

i can survive! im a fighter!

Christmas has passed,

New Year is coming...
i wonder what the new year holds for me?

but as for the last year, it had been a great year.

but what are the highlights of the past year?

>first, my birthday. though i cried the whole night because someone VERY special to me did not come. it was nice to think that i have a lot of friends. Though i spent my the eve of my birthday on the streets(literally, i was about to go home that time from our film shooting), it was very memorable for someone gave me flowers before my birthday. But compared to last year's celebration, this year pales in comparison.

>Retreat, Calaruega Batangas. In this retreat, i found out that i have touched many lives in my section. I received seven stones, the most among us. This is also the time where my friends and I were able to speak out our angst and problems in life. In this retreat, it is okay to cry. retreats are very healthy and it renews our relationship with God.

>Graduation Day. It was such a nice feeling walking on the aisle of PICC and accepting the diploma for your parents. However, the thought of losing your friends broke my heart. But now i know distance is never an issue on friendship.

>Finding Jobs. My first stop? SAGA EVENTS + MODELS as a Production Coordinator. I learned a lot from that company. And im very thankful that they gave me that job. All of the people were nice and good to us. Plus, my socializing skills were improved in this company. I also get to know a lot of new people. My second stop would be GMA News and Public Affairs as a News Monitor. Between the two, i would say that i anjoyed my stay in SAGA more that i am enjoying my stay in GMA.

>Puerto Galera. This was magical. My little prince made it magical. I would go back again to see if it is still magical. Enough said.


after the highlights, the specilal people in my life. Some came,some remained, some left.

>my Family. i love you.

>my Aquinian Friends and Yagetz. Though we do not see each other that often, the thought of having them in my life is enough to keep me sane when i am going crazy. I really love them. with all my heart and soul. To each and everyone of you, though i know you arent reading my blogs, i am wishing you all the best in whatever you do. May this bond that we share be stronger in the coming years. Kudos!

>CA4A. i miss you! i wanna go back to school but only if all of you were with me

>my friends from Letran. i mis you rin!

>professors from Letran. the best!

>BNT/ Bachelors Group. They happened to me. One thing about me, i love having a lot of friends. I loev thinking that whenever i cry, someone is willing to lend their shoulders for me to cry on. i love them! Thankees for accepting me for whatever i am and for whatever i may offer.

>my Friends at work. they are the best. i wouldnt enjoy my work if it werent for them.

>my Spiderman. I thought we could bring back the friendship. At least now, i learned that if the feeling is gone(no pun intended), the friendship is also gone. I wonder why u are not replying to my texts. If i was the Chicco 2003, i could have cried on Christmas day because you did not send me your greetings. But thanks to the next person on my list, i was able to get over you and move away from you. Thanks for the pain, believe me it helped me to be stronger than i was before. Thanks for the lessons that i learned through what you did. Now, i am moving on.

>my Little Prince. My heart still screams your name though i know you have your own love. But what can i do? I am a masochist, and i love being in pain. Just knowing i have you is enough for me. I know this is true love for i learned that true love aks nothing in return. So ill just stay beside you, loving you and asking nothing in return. How i just wish you knew of my love.


I had a lot of heartaches, problems an confusion this year. But good things outweighed the bad things so i can say that this year has been great!

and to coming year 2005, i wish all the best to happen to me. i wish for success, love and happiness.

and to everyone: kudos to the coming year!

it was nice to be back to Puerto Galera even without my little prince.

We went to galera yesterday and returned today. at first, i felt akward going back to the place where my little prince kissed me. but fortunately, it was nice to reminisce and recall what happened. I also learned that you don't have to be sad that something is over, rather be happy that it happened. I am happy that things happened between me and my little prince. i mean i am happy he happened in my life even if it was for awhile. and i am happy that we are friends.

i remember looking up at the moonless and starless sky of Galera last night saying that i am no over him yet but i am okay.

its nice to end the year with the thought that even if it was only for awhile, i became happy this 2004 because of my little prince.

and i can say that i am still happy...

still happy to have him in my life...

still happy that i am over the former love...

and im happy because i have a set of great friends!